So here we go with a bit of deep and meaningful cogitation …
What if you believed that whatever happens to you is meant to be, that it’s somehow connected to who you are and who you are meant to become?
What if you’ve been given a purpose in life?
What if the good and the bad things that happen in your life are just meant to happen, to shape you, to help you to grow and to become a better person? How might life be?
These, my friends, are big questions!
I often talk to clients about how it would be to let go of the outcome of things and situations, the reality being that none of us know what is going to happen from one moment to the next. Trying to control anything and everything, or anyone and everyone, is simply a road to anxiety, disappointment and dashed expectations.
The big questions above are connected to this outcome stuff too – they are questions about the extent to which we can really accept that we don’t have control over the outcome of anything and the even more challenging thought that maybe we aren’t meant to have control. To challenge ourselves to hold a belief that whatever happens in our lives is simply just meant to be happening. For a reason.
Bloody hell! Probably easier to think that way when good stuff is happening. Not so easy when life feels like a shit storm – or worse.
The thing is, the more we can accept that this is the case - that things happen for a reason - the easier life can be. Imagine feeling more able to let go of the fear, of the anxiety, of the insecurities, of the competition with others and all those other things that we are constantly trying to control. Imagine what a massive relief that could be. The freedom. The lightness.
Having said all that, I don’t believe that acceptance of this stuff (that things happen for a reason) means that you just passively ride the wave of anything and everything that comes at you – that you shouldn’t notice what’s happening around you, not feel your responses and emotions, not reflect, not think, not take action, not find ways to take care of yourself.
On the contrary - it’s so important notice your reactions to things and experiences, to use your brain, to make considered decisions, to feel joy, to feel sad, to take risks, to feel a bit scared every day, to surround yourself with people who care for and about you and to get effective support to face your fears head-on. To feel alive.
The reality is that we can’t avoid pain and suffering at times in our lives. Small things that upset our mojo as well as bloody devastating things that change our life forever and from which we feel we will never fully recover. It’s part of being human. But surviving the pain and distress of a shit storm makes you bigger and stronger down the line. It helps you learn about yourself and your capability to survive, about others, about the world around you.
And then you can choose what you do with that learning and knowledge. Store it inside and build trust in yourself and others or share it with the world. Or both.
For what it’s worth, I believe that things happen for a reason. Particularly the big things. My view is based on my life experiences. From the hideous and traumatic things to the joyous and amazing things, all of which have taught me stuff and shaped me in to the person I am now. It’s often been impossible to know “the why” at the time, but with distance, reflection and support, I have usually been able to work it out. To find the reason. To understand. To bank it. To heal.
So, what about you? Can you trust in the ebb and flow of life and ride the waves that come at you? Can you let go of (or at least loosen!) your need to control and then trust that you can survive the good and the bad if you face your fears and find support? Can you trust enough so that its OK to not fully understand the “why” at the time but to know that understanding is there when you are ready to find it?